Why?!?

why do I keep causing myself more and more harm?
can anyone answer that question?

I GIVE UP

you know I seriously never though I would do this

but I think its the about time I let go

another day another...

fight :P great isnt it the best thing in the world
and you will never understand
well idk what to do so yeah
have fun

I think I did the right thing

...for once in my life I gave up. im kinda glad its over
no more constant fighting, now I dont hold things back cuz im worried it might make things worse. cuz right now I could really careless about what ever you do. cuz I tryed and gave up.
and the worse thing about this is. Im still trying to make things better.and I have no clue why.

no matter how much I try I dont think I will ever forget her. cuz yeah I loved her and I dont know if I do anymore.

im out

I broke my wrist

so im not gonna be able to blog in depth for a while :(

when Life gives your lemons you make lemonade....when life slaps you and tell you no you?....reach out and grab life and dont let go. never give up. lifes to short to say what if?

...I need to get away. but I have no where to go. I used to be able to go to church cuz none of my life problems could reach me there but now I cant even go there :P (sum ppls just need to leave me alone and find there own ways to solve issues cuz that was mines first) and I cant get away to baseball. or anything else. I need to find a new outlet, fast. Idk how much longer I can keep things in for.

this weekends mothers day!!! lol i need to make my mom sumthing :P , I need a job so I can buy her sumthing.

driving is fun especially when you get to drive in the country and take a secret back road that takes you from one side to the other :) it was kools. I wish I lived there...kinda , there rules are too stricked.

I have very strange taste in music. I randomly started singing where is the love yesterday in math class lol. and now i cant stop listening to that song. well it is a good song and I have memorized almost every line lol....i need to get out more... but its all good

ima go listen to music

peaceoutbra

life sucks

my life sucks right now. thats all I want to say.

lifes like an elevator, it has its ups and downs

right now I feel like my life has been going down in a giant spiral and I dont know when Im gonna hit the bottom or if im even close to it. I wish I could leave EVERYTHING and EVERYONE behind and Go. cuz im tired of sunsets I want to see a sunrise. feel cold water on me feet instaid of hot. go to a beach and not go and swim. live in a city full of exicting stuff. spend time with random ppls I dont know but have memorys that ill never forget. live my life to fullest in a big city. and just go and walk around for fun and look at all the big buildings (it really puts life in persective). I have always wanted to ride in a taxi or the subway and ride in an elevator for more then like 1 min. I just wanna start over and do things the way I should have so I would have had to go through what I went through.

I was just freestyle singing a song earlyer that acctualy sounds good....sad but good. I wish I had written it down. It really put the ways I was thinking into perspective.

as I sit here now writting this blog I wish I could just stop time and make everything right. but I cant and I know that. I have always asked myself why me? why did God have to tell me what I was suposed to do on this earth when I wasnt ready? and I said yes to him. this is the hardest job I have ever had to do. and It puts me through the hardest things in the world but yet I had a choice and I said yes and I dont regret it. I have to make up for lost time. were instaid of going out and being with my friends I could have been sumwhere else and God would have given me this same job. but he did die for me, so I guess it could be worse. but still why me?

I was listening to boston by Augustana. thats where I got the idea to leave to a city. but theres also the part about leaving everyone too. "cuz you dont know me and you dont even care" is a line from that song. thats why I would leave if I could. cuz ppls dont know me and most of them dont really care anymore. when all I have ever done is care, and try and get to know ppls. and Im beginning to realize that I made a mistake and I should have....ended when I had the chance and I ask myself everyday that it gets worse why I let it back in? when I shouldnt have :P I hadto say that I missed you but I didnt. when I should have let go then. It would have made my life so much easyer. cuz i didnt even think about it then. I was going my own way again. and now I let it back in and now it worse then ever. fighting constantly can kill sumone on the inside or it might not even effect them at all. to me its those dumb discions like that which cause the most harm. when you are about to let go and you cant, when i should have let it slip I reached out and grab you.

yay!! everything is alright is on :D I love Motion City Soundtrack. there song always cheers me up when ever im sad. so I think from this point (.) on my blog is gonna be happy instaid of the sadness.

lol I just thought about a picture jackie took that was a chain over a water valve that looked really cool and then she was like it would be the ultimate album cover. I said the band name should be chains and water valves lol. and the songs should be about fixing water valves and chainin things together hahah. good times good time. life was so much easier at that moment. I need to find that thing that makes me happy again.

I really dont know what it is but ima look for it. wow this playlist is really good. apple genius is a good playlist maker. and all you have to do is push a button, its that easy like kaboom hahahah. stupid jaboody dubs, im never gonna look at billy mays commercials the same again. and probably gonna laugh everytime I do.

well im hungry ima go see what we have to eat

im out

am I wasting my time?......listen=learning

some people can probably go there whole life and not realize what sum one is telling you. personally it just pisses me off. its worse then talking to a wall cuz at least you can tell that the wall isnt listening. if your one of thoses people that dont listen and dont remember ask your self why you dont listen/remember? you probably wont be able to answer or maybe you just dont want to. this is why I always remember and always listen cuz you never know if what this person is telling you can effect your life or maybe even sumone else's. well the main point is just listen and learn. and dont make sumone waste there time when they think there doing sumthing good.

what is happiness? I saw that commercial for san diego again today and it said the road to happiness leads to san diego. but were does it really lead to? I wish I knew I would be there faster then it would take to write a blog about finding happiness. but is there a differents between finding happiness and being happy? I dont think so cuz when you find happiness your happy right? but I havent found happiness and im happy kinda. I wanna just leave now and go on a big sure for happiness. If will smith could find it in the movie why cant I ?!?!

I think my life need a big change but idk. I want a change but i dont know what? maybe me not playing baseball for a while would be a good thing but idk cuz im gonna start playing on the 23 of this month I think. well thats when I could play at the earlyist. but i really dont know. I just want sumthing new and to get rid of sumthing old. well theres nothing really I can do other then let life be life and just see what happens.
wow that last line went against a major thing that i believe in. like if you really want sumthing in life you need to and get it....

I need to stop myself there. I could probably go off on morals for like a year. well probably most of the year. but yeah if I could I would try and spread my word to every one in the world and I would hope that they would listen and learn

well i think i got my point across but yeah
im out

music is a way of life

wow for sum reason recently I have found myself listening to one band over and over again and today its been valencia not many ppls know about them but they have sum good songs. but I just realized that all there songs are about the kinda the samething. I think the guy that writes all there songs probably had a lot bad relationships or had a girl live him or sumthing. cuz like all there songs are about sumthing like that and how there lifes suck with out this person or that if he could anywere it would be to her. you stuff like that.

but all this makes me think about my life and whatnot. and how ppls dont appricate what they have til its gone. thats why I try to be a nice person cuz you never know how ur gonna regret not meeting. but im just let go and let God and hope things work out.

my computer has been acting really strange recently. like more strange then normal. I want a new one. Im gonna try and get my dad to get me a new one for my confirmation gift cuz they didnt get me anything :P

Idk what to do with my life right now. I want skool to be over already so i could get away and just out and do whatever i want with out any one else telling me what i can and cant do. and get to sleep in til like 10 after summer school ends. but right now i kinda like not playing baseball but I do miss it alot.

well i got to go take a shower
so go listen to sum valencia songs and im out
peacebewithyou

CONFIRMATION

I got confirmed today. I am offically a MAN!!!!.....in the church

well first off before I talk about today lets go over yesterday.
1. school was okays didnt really do anything other then in math class
2.filmed for my spanish project Its gonna be so funnay and stupid
3.went to target,then to go pick up my sis then home
4. fell asleep
5.woke up
6.talk to amanda
7.went back to sleep
and that was my day

okays today
1. I GOT CONFIRMED :D
2.went to lunch at BJ's with my fam
3.drove home
4.fell asleep til like 5 sumthing I think
5.talk to amanda
6 wanted to write a blog
7.writting a blog
now im gonna go over things that I think im gonna do
1. watch the fight tonight GO ricky the hitman HATTON .... paciquio is gonna lose
2. watch hatton beat the filipino pride out of paciquio
3. win sum money from my uncle who hates rooting for the person everyone else is rooting for
4. go home
5. sleep
6. go to youth group and ask everyone how the fight went :D


well thats my plan for today and part of tomarrow

I have recently found a new love for snow patrol. ever since I barrowed marcos CD I have started loving there music. there lyrics are like yeah and you can relate to everything they write about most of the time. idk there songs are just addicting.

I am beginning to think that my life is starting to settle down again. but idk if its a good thing cuz like sum ppls say "its always calm before the storm". well personally I think those ppls r insane and dont like to relax and always want sumthing happening in there life. I like having a calm life. im not saying that a lil action/drama or sumthing is bad just I dont want my whole to be a lie or a sham.

well Im gonna go watch the fight I think :P
peacebewithyou


P.S. YUP YUP YUP :D