right now I feel like my life has been going down in a giant spiral and I dont know when Im gonna hit the bottom or if im even close to it. I wish I could leave EVERYTHING and EVERYONE behind and Go. cuz im tired of sunsets I want to see a sunrise. feel cold water on me feet instaid of hot. go to a beach and not go and swim. live in a city full of exicting stuff. spend time with random ppls I dont know but have memorys that ill never forget. live my life to fullest in a big city. and just go and walk around for fun and look at all the big buildings (it really puts life in persective). I have always wanted to ride in a taxi or the subway and ride in an elevator for more then like 1 min. I just wanna start over and do things the way I should have so I would have had to go through what I went through.
I was just freestyle singing a song earlyer that acctualy sounds good....sad but good. I wish I had written it down. It really put the ways I was thinking into perspective.
as I sit here now writting this blog I wish I could just stop time and make everything right. but I cant and I know that. I have always asked myself why me? why did God have to tell me what I was suposed to do on this earth when I wasnt ready? and I said yes to him. this is the hardest job I have ever had to do. and It puts me through the hardest things in the world but yet I had a choice and I said yes and I dont regret it. I have to make up for lost time. were instaid of going out and being with my friends I could have been sumwhere else and God would have given me this same job. but he did die for me, so I guess it could be worse. but still why me?
I was listening to boston by Augustana. thats where I got the idea to leave to a city. but theres also the part about leaving everyone too. "cuz you dont know me and you dont even care" is a line from that song. thats why I would leave if I could. cuz ppls dont know me and most of them dont really care anymore. when all I have ever done is care, and try and get to know ppls. and Im beginning to realize that I made a mistake and I should have....ended when I had the chance and I ask myself everyday that it gets worse why I let it back in? when I shouldnt have :P I hadto say that I missed you but I didnt. when I should have let go then. It would have made my life so much easyer. cuz i didnt even think about it then. I was going my own way again. and now I let it back in and now it worse then ever. fighting constantly can kill sumone on the inside or it might not even effect them at all. to me its those dumb discions like that which cause the most harm. when you are about to let go and you cant, when i should have let it slip I reached out and grab you.
yay!! everything is alright is on :D I love Motion City Soundtrack. there song always cheers me up when ever im sad. so I think from this point (.) on my blog is gonna be happy instaid of the sadness.
lol I just thought about a picture jackie took that was a chain over a water valve that looked really cool and then she was like it would be the ultimate album cover. I said the band name should be chains and water valves lol. and the songs should be about fixing water valves and chainin things together hahah. good times good time. life was so much easier at that moment. I need to find that thing that makes me happy again.
I really dont know what it is but ima look for it. wow this playlist is really good. apple genius is a good playlist maker. and all you have to do is push a button, its that easy like kaboom hahahah. stupid jaboody dubs, im never gonna look at billy mays commercials the same again. and probably gonna laugh everytime I do.
well im hungry ima go see what we have to eat
im out
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