sunshine sunshine

hmmm good song.
but thats not what this is about.....

well anyways.... my econ teacher told us about how one of his students asked him how you can tell when you really are in love is when you notice the little things they do that you find so adorable, that they put a smile on your face everytime you see them.

I swear the moment he said that it instantly reminded me of you :) .... like one of the first things I noticed that I really liked about you was your absolutely adorable was the funny/cute facial expressions you did :) ...they just drove me crazy... that and how you were funny without trying to be... and the sarcasm ....(which I love) ...just the way you act, I swear I just love the way you do things :) ....I feel like theres never a dull moment...... and I really hope it stays that way :)


another thing... our relationship isnt perfect :P ..... but we do try... we may not always be on the same page, but we do solve our problems... and no matter what happens... I know you love me and I love you enough to never leave eachother....

...forever and always :)



I love you babe <3

If I die before I wake I pray the Lord my soul to take.

they say in death, all lifes questions are answered.
I realized.... all my questions have the word why in them.
...If I was to die, I would spend eternity asking questions. its just the way I am.

There has been four times in my life when I just wanted to lay down and die.I felt like I had finally given up, like I honestly would have just killed myself on the spot if I could.

I just wanted my questions answer, mostly the main one I would have asked first.......

"why me?"

I have always wanted to know that. and no one has ever been able to give me an answer that I deem possible. most of the time it was the normal, everything happens for a reason. Then I ask myself, what reason is that? .....

I am tired of never getting an answer that will really explain why.

see there it is the word why.

I heard a commercial on the radio today, this little kid was asking his dad why the sun was in the sky and he would answer his question then ask WHY? and then he would give his answer and the kid would ask WHY? once again...and this went on till he couldnt answer anymore. and he said I dont know. ....the little kid asked WHY...not?

my dad told me that he remembers when we used to be like that, he said he liked it better that way.

my response was.... because now we know just as much or more then he does.
but what myself and a lot of other young adult dont get is that we are much like that little kid. but our questions arent about the sun or anything like that, they are now about the big questions in life, the ones that our parents cant answer. no one can.

I will never let you fall I'll stand up with you forever I'll be there for you through it all Even if saving you sends me to heaven

theres one thing I do know, that I love you enough to do that for you.

I will always love you. even if you dont love me.

sometimes , love can be your worst enemy.

sometimes, people just dont understand that, someone may still love someone in there past, but it doesnt mean they they cant go in and fill in the gap , that person has in there heart.

all though you may see it as a bad thing , its not, your filling the gap she left, and i know you are because i havent loved anyone the same way i have loved her, and your the only since then that has made me feel the same way.... and you are filling that gap and replacing her.... because I honestly do love you.

it just hit me....

the problem is not what I did or how I was acting.... well it kinda is but that no the point, I that im not straight forward with things.... I hid behind the words that I use, to keep the way I feel or the things I do from other people. If I was just more straight forward with everything I wouldnt be in the situation that I am in now and all the ones I have been in, in the past.

Im sorry, babe.

Were just ordinary people

John Legend is correct.

Were just ordinary people, we don’t know which way to go.

One thing I love but hate about myself now , is that whenever I find a song I really like, like this one, it helps me get through something that occurs in my life after I find it…… like before.

I really do love this song, John Legend is a brilliant man. I feel like his song connects with me , at this exact moment. There are two parts in his song that remind me of exactly how I feel right now. Well actually three but yeah im just put all the lyrics up then talk about them after.

Part One :

I hang up you call

We rise and we fall

And we feel like just walking away

As our love advances

We take second chances

Though it's not a fantasy

I Still want you to stay

This is actually my favorite part of the song….. but yeahhh, this reminds me of today. I think I have joined you on that rollercoaster that you have been on recently…. We have both gotten to the point today when we just wanted to just give up and walk away and forget about it. But we didn’t, or at least I didn’t want that to happen. I love you to much to let you just leave like that. But John is right, its not a fantasy but I still want you to stay. No relationship is ever “perfect”, and our is not either, but yet we still love eachother, I know we will work through this. As long as you love me the same way I love you

Part Two:

I know i misbehaved

And you made your mistakes

And we both still got room left to grow

And though love sometimes hurts

I still put you first

And we'll make this thing work

Yeah this is exactly how I feel right now. Love does sometimes hurt, but I still want you. And yeahhh using his exactly words “and we’ll make this thing work.” I swear the more I think about this song, the more it relates to exactly how I feel….. we are both still young and we have our whole lives ahead of us. And yeah I have made mistakes and “misbehaved” as the song says…. But were gonna make it through this ….I know we will.

Part three :

Maybe we'll live and learn

Maybe we'll crash and burn

Maybe you'll stay, maybe you'll leave,

maybe you'll return

Maybe another fight

Maybe we won't survive

But maybe we'll grow

We never know baby youuuu and I

As much as I don’t want to admit it, hes also right about this too. Life is full of maybes. No one is every completely sure of something til it actually happens. I really wish this wasn’t true. But it is. But like he says at the end…. We never know baby you and I. I just hope that maybe we will make it through everything in the end.

Well that is al I have to say for today. Good day to you

I love you , baby

You in a song

by Jason Reeves....

this is a song about how he wants to put someone in a song....not literally but figuratively...... but I wish I could do that with someone ...and I think she knows who she is :)

like the song says

I just wanna write you in a song
Put your smile on paper so you can sing along
I just wanna bottle the sun
Keep your light a secret I can find when you are gone...

I want you to be my light :)

...I really missed her this weekend.... especially because her mom took her phone away :/. I feel incomplete without her nowadays... like today, I only got to talk to her for a short while this morning :/ but right now I am talking to her and I feel like myself again :) and thats one thing I love the most about her....she brings out the real me :)

You know most people are supposed to be "terrified" of love as is the title of another Jason Reeves song, but I dont share that same view anymore...I mean, yeah sure I have before but not anymore....not with her.... I feel like, now, nothing bad is ever gonna happen between us :) and I love it

which brings me to another Jason Reeves song....someone somewhere. This is the first song I heard by him...I heard it last summer ...and yeah... I was really just looking for someone somewhere then...but I realized his song isnt about just looking for anyone...its about looking for that someone, somewhere "is looking right back at you" as he says in the song....I really enjoy this song now, especially since now I think I have found that someone :)

...theres one thing I just noticed now, the last time I truely know that I loved someone...music is how I expressed myself...not by writing it, but finding songs about how I was feeling and just listening to them over and over again, just because I can relate to them and it always brought me closer to the person...and I am doing that once again...I really miss that side of me :) ...Im glad you brought it back :)

I feel like I wanna keep writing about music, just because I have been listening to music so much lately and I have been getting songs stuck in my head left and right. I feel like last year when I listened to Marcos snow patrol CD for like 5 days straight and had almost all the songs memorized by the time I was done.....but this time its random songs, like a song by the kooks, called naive, idk why but its just catchy... I get some of the lyrics but some of the words they say are like wtf is that word :P.. but yet I still get what the song is about in a way, haha.

....I feel like theres a song is a song written about every single person in this world...Im still looking for the one for you, but I think I have found mine...somewhat or at least for the time being ...I actually loved this song a long time ago when I first heard it back in 8th grade, I had one line stuck in my head for like 2 months and I couldnt remember the name of the song till recently...I related to that one line the moment I heard it...and I felt like it was the soundtrack to my life at the time and still is somewhat...it was the whole rebellious feel that the song gave me....

Can't take the kid from the fight
take the fight from the kid
Sit back, relax
Sit back, relapse again

....You cant take the fight from this kid.

ohhh and people fail to see that they , themselves ....are the cause of all the pain...no someone else...

okay thats all im good :)