sunshine sunshine

hmmm good song.
but thats not what this is about.....

well anyways.... my econ teacher told us about how one of his students asked him how you can tell when you really are in love is when you notice the little things they do that you find so adorable, that they put a smile on your face everytime you see them.

I swear the moment he said that it instantly reminded me of you :) .... like one of the first things I noticed that I really liked about you was your absolutely adorable was the funny/cute facial expressions you did :) ...they just drove me crazy... that and how you were funny without trying to be... and the sarcasm ....(which I love) ...just the way you act, I swear I just love the way you do things :) ....I feel like theres never a dull moment...... and I really hope it stays that way :)


another thing... our relationship isnt perfect :P ..... but we do try... we may not always be on the same page, but we do solve our problems... and no matter what happens... I know you love me and I love you enough to never leave eachother....

...forever and always :)



I love you babe <3

If I die before I wake I pray the Lord my soul to take.

they say in death, all lifes questions are answered.
I realized.... all my questions have the word why in them.
...If I was to die, I would spend eternity asking questions. its just the way I am.

There has been four times in my life when I just wanted to lay down and die.I felt like I had finally given up, like I honestly would have just killed myself on the spot if I could.

I just wanted my questions answer, mostly the main one I would have asked first.......

"why me?"

I have always wanted to know that. and no one has ever been able to give me an answer that I deem possible. most of the time it was the normal, everything happens for a reason. Then I ask myself, what reason is that? .....

I am tired of never getting an answer that will really explain why.

see there it is the word why.

I heard a commercial on the radio today, this little kid was asking his dad why the sun was in the sky and he would answer his question then ask WHY? and then he would give his answer and the kid would ask WHY? once again...and this went on till he couldnt answer anymore. and he said I dont know. ....the little kid asked WHY...not?

my dad told me that he remembers when we used to be like that, he said he liked it better that way.

my response was.... because now we know just as much or more then he does.
but what myself and a lot of other young adult dont get is that we are much like that little kid. but our questions arent about the sun or anything like that, they are now about the big questions in life, the ones that our parents cant answer. no one can.

I will never let you fall I'll stand up with you forever I'll be there for you through it all Even if saving you sends me to heaven

theres one thing I do know, that I love you enough to do that for you.

I will always love you. even if you dont love me.

sometimes , love can be your worst enemy.

sometimes, people just dont understand that, someone may still love someone in there past, but it doesnt mean they they cant go in and fill in the gap , that person has in there heart.

all though you may see it as a bad thing , its not, your filling the gap she left, and i know you are because i havent loved anyone the same way i have loved her, and your the only since then that has made me feel the same way.... and you are filling that gap and replacing her.... because I honestly do love you.

it just hit me....

the problem is not what I did or how I was acting.... well it kinda is but that no the point, I that im not straight forward with things.... I hid behind the words that I use, to keep the way I feel or the things I do from other people. If I was just more straight forward with everything I wouldnt be in the situation that I am in now and all the ones I have been in, in the past.

Im sorry, babe.

Were just ordinary people

John Legend is correct.

Were just ordinary people, we don’t know which way to go.

One thing I love but hate about myself now , is that whenever I find a song I really like, like this one, it helps me get through something that occurs in my life after I find it…… like before.

I really do love this song, John Legend is a brilliant man. I feel like his song connects with me , at this exact moment. There are two parts in his song that remind me of exactly how I feel right now. Well actually three but yeah im just put all the lyrics up then talk about them after.

Part One :

I hang up you call

We rise and we fall

And we feel like just walking away

As our love advances

We take second chances

Though it's not a fantasy

I Still want you to stay

This is actually my favorite part of the song….. but yeahhh, this reminds me of today. I think I have joined you on that rollercoaster that you have been on recently…. We have both gotten to the point today when we just wanted to just give up and walk away and forget about it. But we didn’t, or at least I didn’t want that to happen. I love you to much to let you just leave like that. But John is right, its not a fantasy but I still want you to stay. No relationship is ever “perfect”, and our is not either, but yet we still love eachother, I know we will work through this. As long as you love me the same way I love you

Part Two:

I know i misbehaved

And you made your mistakes

And we both still got room left to grow

And though love sometimes hurts

I still put you first

And we'll make this thing work

Yeah this is exactly how I feel right now. Love does sometimes hurt, but I still want you. And yeahhh using his exactly words “and we’ll make this thing work.” I swear the more I think about this song, the more it relates to exactly how I feel….. we are both still young and we have our whole lives ahead of us. And yeah I have made mistakes and “misbehaved” as the song says…. But were gonna make it through this ….I know we will.

Part three :

Maybe we'll live and learn

Maybe we'll crash and burn

Maybe you'll stay, maybe you'll leave,

maybe you'll return

Maybe another fight

Maybe we won't survive

But maybe we'll grow

We never know baby youuuu and I

As much as I don’t want to admit it, hes also right about this too. Life is full of maybes. No one is every completely sure of something til it actually happens. I really wish this wasn’t true. But it is. But like he says at the end…. We never know baby you and I. I just hope that maybe we will make it through everything in the end.

Well that is al I have to say for today. Good day to you

I love you , baby

You in a song

by Jason Reeves....

this is a song about how he wants to put someone in a song....not literally but figuratively...... but I wish I could do that with someone ...and I think she knows who she is :)

like the song says

I just wanna write you in a song
Put your smile on paper so you can sing along
I just wanna bottle the sun
Keep your light a secret I can find when you are gone...

I want you to be my light :)

...I really missed her this weekend.... especially because her mom took her phone away :/. I feel incomplete without her nowadays... like today, I only got to talk to her for a short while this morning :/ but right now I am talking to her and I feel like myself again :) and thats one thing I love the most about her....she brings out the real me :)

You know most people are supposed to be "terrified" of love as is the title of another Jason Reeves song, but I dont share that same view anymore...I mean, yeah sure I have before but not anymore....not with her.... I feel like, now, nothing bad is ever gonna happen between us :) and I love it

which brings me to another Jason Reeves song....someone somewhere. This is the first song I heard by him...I heard it last summer ...and yeah... I was really just looking for someone somewhere then...but I realized his song isnt about just looking for anyone...its about looking for that someone, somewhere "is looking right back at you" as he says in the song....I really enjoy this song now, especially since now I think I have found that someone :)

...theres one thing I just noticed now, the last time I truely know that I loved someone...music is how I expressed myself...not by writing it, but finding songs about how I was feeling and just listening to them over and over again, just because I can relate to them and it always brought me closer to the person...and I am doing that once again...I really miss that side of me :) ...Im glad you brought it back :)

I feel like I wanna keep writing about music, just because I have been listening to music so much lately and I have been getting songs stuck in my head left and right. I feel like last year when I listened to Marcos snow patrol CD for like 5 days straight and had almost all the songs memorized by the time I was done.....but this time its random songs, like a song by the kooks, called naive, idk why but its just catchy... I get some of the lyrics but some of the words they say are like wtf is that word :P.. but yet I still get what the song is about in a way, haha.

....I feel like theres a song is a song written about every single person in this world...Im still looking for the one for you, but I think I have found mine...somewhat or at least for the time being ...I actually loved this song a long time ago when I first heard it back in 8th grade, I had one line stuck in my head for like 2 months and I couldnt remember the name of the song till recently...I related to that one line the moment I heard it...and I felt like it was the soundtrack to my life at the time and still is somewhat...it was the whole rebellious feel that the song gave me....

Can't take the kid from the fight
take the fight from the kid
Sit back, relax
Sit back, relapse again

....You cant take the fight from this kid.

ohhh and people fail to see that they , themselves ....are the cause of all the pain...no someone else...

okay thats all im good :)

people theses days

...many people dont see that someones pain is another persons pleasure,

in the real world there is only win and lose, no tie.... you cannot restart or have a do-over

some people dont see that even though they have lost and know it....that they need to give up and move past the "game".

because in this case....I won.

honestly, cuz of all the stuff i have done to make me happy in the past and stuff that I used to make me forget my issues and make me happy....I really thought I had forgotten what happyness was....but I think now I finally know now....

people think that life is about studying and having a future...like in black hawk down... that one african guy says "americans live long dull meaningless lives" . I dont wanna live forever or even till I'm 100 ....its not about the quantity but the quality. I would rather live a life that is short but fucking amazing rather then live 100 years and do nothing in that time....I wanna travel the world, meet someone famous, make a name for myself, climb a mountain.....you get the point...to me, life is something worth living not something worth planning for.

they say your attitude determines your latitude

im high as motherfucker, fly as a motherfucker

I realized since I have stopped doing stuff, my life is a lot easier, I just feel relaxed and different...I still get random craving for things but im good.

im listening to tupac right now....I listen to his music a lot but every time i listen to it and really listen to it, I find some new life lesson he is trying to teach. its one thing I love about his music....there is stuff hidden when you first hear it, but obvious when your going thought the same thing he is trying to tell you. "dont blame me, I was given this world, I didnt make it"

tupac, saw this all coming,

well now, about the picture at the top.....I saw this on my friends tumblr....and the first thing I thought is....why would God question his own work....is like how a writer looks back on his book and is wtf when did I write this?... at church we are taught that man was created in the Image of God, maybe he is like us too... maybe God isnt perfect... but then again....what is perfect.... has something ever been perfect? ....well anyways thats a different topic.... why would God let us be the way he says we are?...is it cuz he created us so we wouldnt know what we have till we lose it? ....God is very mysterious and will do things we dont want to happen, happen...but he has a reason for all of this...

all I have to say now is.... live life the way its should be lived not the way you plan it

goodnight.

Thank You Ms.Kim!!!

“If I never met you, I wouldn't like you. If I didn't like you, I wouldn't love you. If I didn't love you, I wouldn't miss you. But I did, I do, and I will.”

this is the only thing I will ever thank Ms.Kim for.

I have 45 blogs but only 32, now 33 can be read by other people.

I tend to spend too much time ranting about people who dont matter anymore rather then writing about people that actual mean something to me so now instead of ranting about something im gonna write about someone who loves me.

I can honestly say that I do love Kristen, she is not only a good girlfriend but a great friend, she is always there for me, and I can tell her everything. when I talk to her I feel free and like anything or anybody can't effect me ....I get that feeling like things are way to perfect to be true but then I realize , this is my life, this is really happening :)

like that old saying goes, You know you're in love when you can't fall asleep because reality is finally better than your dreams , this is only true because of you..... I love that I spend time with you and just feel like a lil kid again :)

well im tired so ima go to bed....

goodnight i love you :)

I swear

If I go two for two, with ex-girlfriends becoming sluts, Ima smack the shit out of somebody

.....yup, I went two for two....at least in baseball thats a good average :)

I love how...

I love how , people can change randomly, and they just dont give a fuck about anything

I love how , today I traced all my recent issues back to one moment that night

I love how , I also realized what caused all my rebelliousness

I love how , right now the time I want to talk to someone, they dont want to talk to me

I love how , I thought my life was gonna be great now,

and its not......

I did what I needed to do

I just walked away

seeming like I left for another,

which in reality I did somewhat

my life is great

except im still grounded for sneaking out at 2 AM to go somewhere -___-

but yeah it was worth it

I really wanna get away though

...I rode my dads new bike today and I remembered the feeling of when I used to ride dirt bikes

it was the best feeling in the world....I felt as free as a bird

now ima go fly away

why?

I actually do feel bad , but yet at the same time

Its life....bitch needs to move on.... :P

...and I really need to stop reading her blog...its not good for me but ohh well what can I do :P

well anyways ...I just ordered new shoes and I just got dissed by my gf :P

haha yeah...

peace

Success is a journey, not a destination.

im glad

you realized that you can be happy without me...my work is done here

when we eat meat, we throw out the shell

I feel like I am the shell of what I once was.....

like I am a different person then before

people have changed me,

you changed me

why is it that when I listen to certain songs,

the memories of you hit me harder then ever...

but I can bet that nothing will ever hit you harder then

the memories of you, hit me

I look back on my life, and I honestly dont seem mistakes....

anymore

if someone random was to read this, they would have no clue what Im talking about

but if you read this.....

people these days......no one understands the mind of a young teenager anymore

all they think is we wanna go out do drugs and chill.....

I never wanted my life to be this way...things just happened

well anyways ....I feel like I dont know you anymore

so here you go

I want something
That's purer than the water
Like we were

It's not there now
Ineloquence and anger
Are all we have

Like Saturn's rings
An icy loop around me
Too hard to hold

Lash out first
At all the things we don't like
Or understand

And it's beginning to get to me
That I know more of the stars and sea
Than I do of what's in your head
Barely touching in our cold bed

Are you beginning to get get my point
That all this fighting with aching joints
It's doing nothing but tire us out
No one knows what this fight's about

The answer phone
The lonely sound of your voice
Frozen in time

I only need
The compass that you gave me
To guide me on

And it's beginning to get to me
That I know more of the stars and sea
Than I do of what's in your head
Barely touching in our cold bed

Are you beginning to get get my point
That all this fighting with aching joints
It's doing nothing but tire us out
No one knows what this fight's about

It's so thrilling but also wrong
Don't have to prove that you are so strong
'Cause I can carry you on my back
After our enemies attack

I tried to tell you before I left
But I was screaming under my breath
You are the only thing that makes sense
Just ignore all this present tense

We need to feel breathless with love
And not collapse under its weight
I'm gasping for the air to fill
My lungs with everything I've lost

We need to feel breathless with love
And not collapse under its weight
I'm gasping for the air to fill
My lungs with everything I've lost

.....I am finally beginning to see

wow....

Idk whats been wrong but something feels weird

I just reread a lot

I have been reading my old blogs recently and I realized I have changed so much since I started blogging, I'm no longer that Godloving young man who used to think he could fix all problems, now Im just a kid, who doesnt listen, breaks rules, but the one thing that is different is I am finally seeing who I really am, I know what is like to really love now, cuz I am in love with the best girl in the world.

Life has been seeming so much better nowadays, I have a car, I get away with so much stuff, I have someone that loves me no matter what(thatisntfamily), I have a great group of friends that are always up to stuff that always fun, I have freedom.

the only thing I miss, is my lyrical genius-ness, I guess because my life was so depressing b4 I was able to write songs about sadness really easy but now that I am finally happy, songs dont come to me as easily as they used to, the only good song I have written lately I wrote right after my gf broke up with me......but I finished it after we got back together, but to finish it, I had to change it cuz I couldnt make it about her, which is why I started reading my old blogs, cuz it helped bring back old memories of a friend, and the rest of the song became like all the other, about her.....

well im tired its almost 11 and i havent dont any homework and I missed school on friday so IDK what I have due tomorrow :P